Fallen Crow

Literally, as the title suggests - a crow that fell… in the middle of a busy road, no less. Now, imagine this: being immobilised and stuck in the middle of the road, facing gigantic metal machines rushing toward you, knowing that instant death awaits if one were to run over you. Scary, right? Here’s my little adventure. 

I was on my morning walk when I noticed a black patch in the middle of the road. I initially thought it was a burst tyre, but upon closer inspection, I realized it was a crow. It was alive, mouth open, but didn’t seem to be able to move. Above me, a murder of over 20 crows was circling, with many more perched on the surrounding roadside trees, cawing loudly. I stood by the side of the road, waiting for the traffic to clear. Then, quickly but carefully - so as not to startle the fallen crow - I approached it. Perhaps I was projecting human emotions onto it, but I could sense helplessness and fear, and maybe, resignation - feelings one wouldn’t typically associate with a crow. 

Gently, I picked it up with both hands. It struggled a bit, but I managed to move it to a grass patch. It remained there, still and unable to move. Knowing I had taken it out of harm’s way, I continued my walk. Strangely, the murder of crows followed me. At that moment, I felt a sense of unease. Recent news of crows attacking humans crossed my mind, and I wondered if those above me might do the same. As I walked on, I started worrying about whether the crow I had rescued would become dehydrated. I couldn’t take it to the vet, knowing it would likely be culled, as crows are considered a nuisance. But I could at least do something to alleviate its suffering. 

I turned back, searched around some rubbish bins, and found a discarded cup. After filling it with water, I returned to where I had left the crow. It was still there, but as I approached, it tried to move away - a good sign, I thought. But after a few more attempts to escape, it sat still again. It must have felt exhausted. Once more, I gently lifted it and moved it under a tree, placing the cup of water beside it. The murder of crows continued circling above me, but by then, I no longer cared if they attacked. I had done what I could. This time, as I walked away, the crows did not follow. 

I hope the crow recovers soon.

Completed Trainings

I have finally delivered three 2-day modules over the past two weeks! Despite a rough start, I thought the second and third modules went rather smoothly. That sense of satisfaction after training (or, for that matter, running any event) is a key indicator of how well things unfolded. I’m slowly but surely getting used to the administrative processes after the first session.

As for the delivery, it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. One area I need to improve on is pacing - I still find myself speaking too fast and finishing a tad too early, especially for the third module. If this continues, I risk being penalized by the training company and the authorities, particularly since these modules are subsidized by public funds. I’ll need to work on this.

For now, I’m just glad to have completed this round of training. Time to rest and recuperate.

Turkish delight

This is the first time I’m trying Turkish delight and I enjoy it so very much! Have always wondered what it tastes like since I read Chronicles of Narnia when I was in Primary 6 (1978?)! And I finally got the chance to eat it when a dear friend gifted it to me after his trip to Türkiye last week!

Yum yum!

Do you?

This is a very random post. Am posting this as I’m doing my morning walk - totally spontaneous:

• Do you wave to thank drivers who stop for you at a zebra crossing? 
• Do you pick up a snail from the middle of the road and place it in the grass? 
• Do you offer to share your umbrella with a stranger when it rains? 
• Do you fetch soy sauce from the hawker stall for an elderly person at your table who just said their porridge is too bland? 
• Do you watch where you step to avoid accidentally crushing anything - ants, for that matter? 
• Do you gently blow away mosquitoes that have landed on you, even when they’re already happily sucking your blood? 
• Do you help a butterfly with broken wings that lands on your shoulder by moving it to a safe spot among the greenery? 
• Do you volunteer your time to help someone who approaches you, despite your busyness?

These moments happen to me rather frequently, and my answer to all of the above is — yes, without hesitation. It’s something I do naturally, without a second thought, and I must say, I’m always glad I could be of help.

How about you?

Survived my first course

These past weeks have been rather hellish, culminating this week when I delivered my first virtual course. 

The course administration was a killer. I had to mark attendance, verify learners identity, operate and update the trainers' portal, manage the learners management system, etc while concurrently engaging the learners - it was insane! As for the learners, they came from all walks of life, were of varying seniority, work experiences, backgrounds, and nationalities. By the end of Day 1, I was completely drained. 

Day 2 started off slightly better as I managed the administration more efficiently, having learned my lessons from Day 1. But things got chaotic when my class couldn’t access the online assessment! I was literally sweating buckets, frantically calling technical support and my more seasoned trainer peers while trying every possible way to grant learners access. In the end, I started the assessment an hour late! 

I wrapped up the two-day course only to realize I had forgotten to get learners to complete one of the two course evaluations. Some even left before I inform them of their results and obtaining their acknowledgment resulting in my inability to complete my post-course administrations. It's been 2 days and I have yet to submit my post-course documents! 

Now, even as I’m rushing to complete post-course reports and compiling all the documents for submission - I am also preparing for another two-day module that will be held this weekend and a third module that will start next Thursday. I am feeling superbly exhausted right now! Sighs. 

Positively, this craziness should be temporary. The next run will be smoother as I get more familiar with the administration. And above all, I’m finally earning an income, and that’s one helluva good reason to stay calm and push on! So yeah, I’m embracing it all with a smile and a pat on my back. I survived. 

:-)

Mentoring

I signed up as a mentor with a volunteer organisation last month. The mentoring programme provided by this organisation supports students in navigating the job search process and is a collaboration between the school and the volunteer organisation. Successful applicants can then enrol in a diploma programme with the school. This initiative, led by MOE and the school, allows applicants to work (in an industry and role relevant to the course of study) on 4 days and attend lessons on 1 day per week.

The official duration for the mentoring programme is 6 months. However, as in all mentoring programmes, the mentor will end up mentoring the mentee beyond the "official" period given the relationship established. I expect this to be so for my case too as my mentee has decided to forego this current application window and to focus on the next application window that will start only towards the end of this year.

The programme coordinator seemed pretty chill about this even though technically the timeline stretches beyond the 6-month official timeline. I guess this "flexibility" is common amongst volunteer organisations? I didn't want to probe cos for me, the main aim is to help people, whether it is within the programme timeline or otherwise. So...

:-)

Training

It has been a crazy busy few weeks for me, and the rest of March looks just as packed! 

Over the next 2-3 weeks, I’ll be delivering three two-day courses virtually. To prepare for it, I’ve been reviewing training materials, developing learning activities, and internalizing the content - all while adapting to new materials. This has been especially challenging because the slides provided by the course developer (course owner) didn’t fully meet my expectations. As someone who focuses a lot on flow, congruence and look-and-feel, I found it difficult to follow the slides provided and thus had to redo the slide deck almost totally. 

That said, going through the slides, aligning the content with the learners’ guide and assessment guide, and making changes to the flow to better deliver the learning outcomes actually helped me absorb the content much faster. On top of that, I’ve had to familiarize myself with the technology, administration, and logistics of the courses - figuring out Zoom functions, using learning applications like Mentimeter and Google Slides, taking attendance via the portal, and managing assessment report submissions. 

As a new trainer, these extra layers of complexity made things more challenging, but I’ve also gained a lot from the process. At the end of the day, what matters most is delivering the course well and improving with each session. It’s been a whirlwind of prep, and now it’s time to see how it all comes together.

:-)

“Chineseness”

I’ve read before that when a community emigrates from its home country, its members often become more conscious of their cultural practices than those who stay behind. Over time, emigrants may even hold onto traditions more firmly than their compatriots back home. Many also retain a strong sense of nationalistic pride - something I saw in my grandparents’ generation, where many continued to look towards their homeland with deep affection, taking pride in their roots and even longing to return one day. 

This is evident in Singapore’s Chinese community, where certain customs and traditions - brought over by our ancestors - are still practiced, even though they have faded or disappeared in China. The same can be said of Singapore’s Indian community compared to those in India, showing how migration can not only preserve culture but sometimes even reinforce it. 

But not all emigrants take this path. While some hold on tightly to their heritage, others go in the opposite direction, distancing themselves from their roots. My tenant is a case in point. Despite being Chinese, he avoids many things that remind him of China. Other than speaking the language and eating Chinese food, he steers clear of traditional Chinese medicine, preferring Western medicine and supplements. He has also spent the past many years living overseas - in Australia, Malaysia, Thailand, and now Singapore - with no desire to return to China.

Beyond just distancing himself, he seems somewhat embarrassed by China and its people. He often criticize the political system and the behavior of locals, as if trying to make it clear that he isn’t like those Chinese people. And yet, funnily enough, his circle of friends is still mostly PRC Chinese. It’s like he rejects certain parts of his identity, but at the same time, he can’t quite detach from it completely. 

I get the sense that he’s a product of his generation. Now in his 30s, he probably fits the mold of an “emperor child” - those born in the 80s and 90s under China’s one-child policy, often showered with attention and spoilt by their parents. And he has all the typical traits of a kidult! But I do think that, as he grows older, his identity as a Chinese will start to matter more to him. Many of us push away our cultural roots when we’re younger, only to find ourselves searching for them again later in life. 

Funny how that works, isn’t it?

New milestone - Paid coaching

I did my first paid coaching session today. 

Last week, I got a call from a dear friend who told me he needed coaching. This followed an earlier session I had with him last month, which he found very useful. Fast forward to now - he was feeling frustrated and stuck again with the same issue. Without hesitation, I agreed to coach him. But there was a catch. I will pay you, or I won’t let you coach me. I’ll be your first paid coachee, and hopefully, this will turn things around for you! he declared. I wasn’t expecting this, but I truly wanted to help him. So, I told him he could decide what he thought the session was worth. 

This morning, I completed the session with him. I helped him gain clarity on his thoughts and the steps he needed to take to move forward. I was glad I could support him. But above all, I’m incredibly grateful for his support in my journey. Back when I was unsure about pivoting my career to freelancing, he was the first to say, I will support you, no matter what you decide. He was also the one who referred me to his friend - who later became my first “non-friend” client. And now, he has become my first paid client.

Thank you, A. 

😊

Interesting trip

My recent trip to KL was probably the most interesting. Lots of new experiences, meeting of new people, making new friends and doing things that I would never imagined me doing before. But let's just leave it as that. Just wanna put a note on it.

:-)

Xiaohongshu 小红书

I downloaded the Xiaohongshu 小红书 app just before the CNY period and was immediately intrigued by the posts and conversations. This was especially so because it coincided with TikTok’s shutdown in the U.S. (just before the presidential inauguration) and there were many “TikTok refugees” - people who chose to migrate from TikTok to Xiaohongshu.

The content and discussions on TikTok, and Xiaohongshu couldn’t be more different. The contrast in tone and perspectives between the West (particularly the U.S.) and the rest of the world (especially China) is striking. I won’t go into too much detail because there are so many layers to explore - cordial vs. toxic interactions, skepticism and cynicism vs. pride, curiosity, and more. It’s fascinating! I suppose it reflects each country’s history, culture, and approach to control and censorship.

You really have to experience it to understand what I mean. For now, Xiaohongshu has replaced TikTok as my go-to for daily social media browsing. And, of course, X, with all the toxicity and spins by too many “far right extremists”, is now just for porn - nothing else.

;-)

Modern Day Robin Hood

I went to the dentist today. The total cost for scaling, deep cleaning, and an X-ray came to about S$280. But after all the subsidies and claims, I only paid about S$40. I was pleasantly surprised by this because, in previous years, the maximum I could claim was S$120. Glad I delayed my check-up!

Reflecting on life on this Little Red Dot, I think the government does a great job of playing Robin Hood. But this has nothing to do with the dental perks I mentioned earlier - those were benefits I earned after spending a good amount of time in the armed forces. Now, back to Robin Hood. In Singapore, people who earn more get taxed more, while those below a certain income threshold don’t get taxed at all (if I remember correctly, that's about 85% of the population, though I might be wrong). The government also provides monetary relief across almost all key aspects of life - from medical expenses to transport to daily living costs. Many are universal (e.g., subsidies for medical care at government-restructured hospitals) but means-tested (meaning the better off you are, the more you pay). On top of that, the government distributes fixed-amount reliefs regularly (eg CDC vouchers, transport vouchers, Medisave grants, Assurance packages, etc) to all individuals/ households to help offset the GST increase and ease the cost of living.

These reliefs and perks may seem relatively small when viewed individually, but net-net, what I see is that those who earn more contribute more (mainly through taxes) and is supported less (as a percentage of income earned), while those who are less well-off and earned less receive maximum support. It’s so Robin Hood right? - take from the rich and give to the poor. For me, this is what it means - I’ve spent less than S$100 on groceries this year (2025) by leveraging the government-issued CDC vouchers, which were given to all households to assist with the cost of living. I also successfully upgraded my Community Health Assistance Scheme (CHAS) status and am now awaiting the outcome of my application for public transport vouchers. And I have yet to use the S$4000 MySkillsFuture grant to further upskill myself!

Let’s see what else I can apply to maximize the available reliefs and perks!

Volunteer

I’ve just signed up with a volunteer agency to mentor technical students on career choices. Funny how it all came together just yesterday. I met up with an ex-colleague to pass her some TCM cough medication since she’s been dealing with a lingering post-flu cough. It had been a while since we last caught up, and at some point, I mentioned how challenging it has been to clock my coaching hours. That’s when she asked if I’d be keen to mentor technical students on career choices and job hunting.

You know, there’s a certain level of social stigma around ITE students and graduates. They’re generally seen as less academically inclined and often come from tough family backgrounds. People are also quick to associate gang activities and petty crimes in news reports to ITE students or graduates - many times, unfairly and without evidence. That said, I found the idea of mentoring them pretty interesting. Career coaching is something I’m good at, and if I can help these students find their footing in the job market, why not? Plus, it’s a great way to clock my coaching hours while sharpening my skills at the same time. So, I agreed to explore it further with the programme coordinator.

Had a really interesting chat with the programme coordinator last evening. From the details shared, the programme reminds me a lot of my volunteer work with SG Enable a few years back. This time, I’ll be working with technical students who have recently graduated or will be graduating from ITE soon. One of my key questions for the coordinator was whether the students actually wanted to be part of the programme or if they were just forced into it. I was relieved when she said they signed up voluntarily. That says a lot about their motivation - they know this is good for them and want to be part of it. So, the challenges I’ll likely face will be more on the surface, like playfulness or communication struggles, rather than deeper issues like unwillingness to engage. 

Looking forward to seeing how this goes!

Strepsils

I went to the dentist today. It had been close to a year since my last visit, which was unusual for me, as I typically go for dental check-ups every six months or so. This time around, since leaving my employment, I figured it was an expense I could afford to space out. It made sense to me because my post-retirement dental benefits are topped up annually.

Anyway, I visited the dentist today, and it was one of the quietest visits ever. You see, the dentist had a bad throat. It was also the first time I had a female dentist attend to me. As I walked into the room, I could see her eyes smiling above her mask. She signalled for me to take a seat in the dental chair and went about checking my teeth. Then, she spoke to me in a whisper, almost inaudibly - "There seemed to be quite a bit of plaque buildup on the teeth on your lower jaw. We'll do a cleaning and then take an X-ray to see if there's anything inside that we should be concerned about. How's that?"

I agreed. She went about the cleaning after which I took an X-ray, and she later explained that everything looked good - nothing to be concerned about. I asked if she had a bad throat, and she nodded. I smiled, thanked her, asked her to take care and we parted ways. After making payments, I went to the supermarket next door, bought her a pack of Strepsils, and dropped it off with the reception staff. That was the least I could do. Poor girl - working during the Chinese New Year period with a bad throat - she must have felt terribly uncomfortable.

:-)

Delayed opportunity

Last year, I signed up as an associate trainer with two companies. 

For the first company, I successfully bid for a training slot in January this year, but the company's license was suspended for three months by the government. As a result, any training with this company will only begin in April at the earliest.

For the second company, after a long wait and onboarding process, I finally secured a training slot in February. Excitedly, I made the effort to observe a class a couple of weeks ago and put in significant preparation to ensure I was ready to deliver the module. However, last week, I was informed that my class would be reassigned to the module lead due to the introduction of new content. Such a bummer! I was particularly frustrated that I hadn’t been informed about the ongoing content review, especially after investing so much effort into my preparations. To make up for this, the coordinator assigned me additional classes in March. This is on top of the two classes I was already assigned - though, unfortunately, the new topic is one I’m not very familiar with. Doh! 

Given my experience with the February module, I decided to check whether new content would also be introduced for the two modules I’m scheduled to conduct in March. To my horror, the coordinator confirmed that there would be changes but said he would only provide details closer to the training date. This is quite unsettling, as it may leave me with little time to research and prepare for all three modules occurring almost back-to-back. That said, I’ve decided to take things in stride. As a new trainer in the team, I’ll observe how things are done and the dynamics between key players. Objectively, content reviews and refreshes don’t happen too often. On the bright side, exposure to new courses could open up more opportunities for me in the months ahead - and that’s a good thing. 

When training resumes for the first company in April, I do foresee myself getting pretty busy with training commitments on both ends. But for now (at least in February), I’ll have a bit more time to focus on my own well-being. 

:-)

JL - someone

I want to write a post about this person. Let's just call him JL.

I got to know JL in January last year when he contacted me via WhatsApp. He had gotten my contact from someone I met through Grindr. After exchanging a few messages, I decided to meet up with him. It was unusual for me to meet someone with his profile. You see, JL was 72 years old - an age I considered too mature for me. But I enjoyed our conversations, as he was Peranakan and would often code-switch to Peranakan Malay while sharing stories about his late mother. It was easy to relate to his stories, as they bore many similarities to my mum’s. I ended up meeting him a couple of times and, after a while, sensed that he liked me. This led to quite a bit of uneasiness because the person who gave him my number liked him as well. It was complicated, but I stayed above the drama and simply told him I wasn’t interested in any relationships, as I was partnered at the time. JL respected my decision.

JL is a highly prideful and self-centered person. He is also very sensitive and tends to read too much into every word used in conversations. He has a habit of throwing tantrums whenever things don’t go his way. Admittedly, there were many occasions when I felt uncomfortable with his condescending and rude tone during our conversations, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and took it in stride. Perhaps, I told myself, it was just one of those idiosyncrasies of an older gay man. He left for Bangkok in March and, for reasons I won’t elaborate on, decided it was not safe for him to return to Singapore. Given his self-declared fugitive status, he asked me for help to run some errands but in the midst of the conversation, abruptly blocked me and left me cold. I didn’t hear from him again until sometime in October, when he decided it was time to return - by which point he had unblocked me.

Upon his return, we met for a meal, during which he asked if I could be his executor. I politely declined, given my less-than-positive experience with him and the fact that I didn’t know him well enough to take on such a responsibility. Things remained cordial for the next two months. Sometime in December, he asked me for a favor - to give him a haircut - which I did a couple of weeks before Chinese New Year. He then invited me for a meal during the festive period, mentioning that he would be alone with nothing to do. I agreed but told him I might be traveling and could only confirm the date and time closer to the occasion. In the end, I didn’t travel. And I reached out to finalise the meet up plans. However, for some unknown reason, he later canceled the appointment and blocked me again.

Dealing with people who, without explanation, decide when to engage with you or cut you off is frustrating. It’s deeply disrespectful, entirely self-centered, and shows a complete lack of accountability. Previously, I had given him the benefit of the doubt, assuming that being alone overseas might have made him stressed and influenced his behavior. But this time, I decided it was best to delete his contact altogether. Life is too short to tolerate such treatment - I deserve better.

A month flew by

It’s only been a month into 2025, and much has happened - globally, locally, and on a personal level. The U.S. has a new president who has been busy signing and rolling out executive orders at a rapid pace, leading to numerous policy changes (not gonna talk too much about that, though). On the local front, there have been significant developments - reviews of election boundaries, impending budget announcements, etc., etc., etc. - so yes, everyone has been superbly busy setting the tone for the rest of the immediate year/ term. And personally, I’ve experienced several noteworthy changes as well. But lest I lose focus, I shall talk about those that matter:

• Personal life - My personal life has been rather stable, I must say. I decided to head to JB with a recently met friend and reconnected with a couple of friends and old colleagues. I reminded myself that I need to reach out to people instead of keeping to myself, as social engagement is an important part of maintaining my sanity (and contributing to my well-being). Of significance was me meeting up with a couple of great long-time friends while they were in town in January (e.g., Germs and his partner; and my US-based friend and his wife). Also, my tenant took a two-week break to visit Taiwan and head back to China for Chinese New Year. As a result, I was able to simply enjoy my "freedom" at home in his absence. 

• Well-being & Health - I had my half-yearly health review - all's good. I was referred to the sports medicine department for my bad knee that left me quite debilitated through most of December 2024, and it turns out there’s a bone spur growing in my right knee, contributing to the pain. I’ve been referred to a physiotherapist and given a battery of exercises to work on. Otherwise, I got my annual Covid and flu jabs, so I’m all good for now. Apart from that, I have been eating and snacking lots! Well, what to expect given all the Chinese New Year snacks right? Heh... As for overseas trips, I made a short trip to JB with a friend I got to know recently and have already booked another trip to KL this coming Sunday. Looking forward to meeting my KL friends!

• Family & Relatives - January was an interesting period for me, as much of my time was focused on Chinese New Year preparations. While I’m not particularly big on this festival since my parents' passing, annual routines and traditions like spring cleaning and the all-important reunion dinner with my auntie’s family couldn’t be ignored. These routines kept me connected to my relatives and, in a big way, reminded me of the larger entity I am a part of. On a more practical note, I took the opportunity to give my tenant's room and the common toilet a thorough cleaning. I realized that despite his regular cleaning, things still weren’t quite up to my expected standards. Okay, I’ve digressed from the topic of family & relatives.

• Professional Growth - Admittedly, this hasn't progressed as fast as I had expected. On the training front, I was all geared up and prepared to conduct my first session at the end of the first week of February, but in late January, I was informed that my session would be given to someone else. I’ll talk about this in another post, but it was a huge bummer for me, as I was really looking forward to it. On the coaching front, things have slowed down since December 2024 due to the year end festivities. To put things in perspective, I used to conduct 1 to 2 coaching sessions per weekday last year, but since December 2024, I’ve only managed at best one session per week. On the bright side, I landed a new client last week and helped him clear his thoughts about his career progression.

• Financial Health - This has been stagnant so far and will probably stay that way until I start my training. So... yeah, I’ll need to keep a close watch on this moving forward.

So yes, the last month zipped by quickly. On the whole, things were slow, but that was not unexpected. Looking ahead, I can only expect things to pick up from March onwards.

Focus for 2025 - Rebuilding

In mid-2023, I embarked on a journey to reinvent myself to a self-employed freelancer, living authentically on my own terms. The target is to fully achieve this by the time I turn 60 in 2026. After over a year of capacity building, it is time to rebuild myself. In 2025, I aim to achieve a sense of normalcy and financial stability by focusing on the following areas:

Personal Life 

• Celebrate independence and savour the journey of rediscovering myself. 

Well-Being & Health

• Maintain both physical fitness and mental health as priorities. 

Family & Relatives 

• Maintain current relationships while preserving a strong sense of self and independence.  

Professional Growth 

• Build my training and coaching expertise, turning them into income streams, with a particular focus on training.

Financial Health 

• Establish a predictable income from training to rebuild my finances while maintaining a lean and sustainable lifestyle. Focus on coaching as a means to help others and clock hours toward achieving higher-level credentials, with any income from coaching being incidental.

Additionally, I recognize the importance of long-term planning to support my retirement. This includes applying for public housing, which will likely take 3-5 years to build. By the time the flat is ready, I’ll be around 65, coinciding with the start of my CPF Life payouts. Moving forward, every step I take will contribute to my broader vision of financial security and a fulfilling retirement.

2024 - Reinvention

2024 has been a year of reinvention for me - both personally and professionally. I began the year intending to focus on professional transformation, but an unexpected breakup forced me to fundamentally reassess my life’s priorities. Here’s a contextual rundown of my year. 

Professional Growth 

I left my corporate life in December 2023 (at 57) with the aim to pivot my career to that of a business owner and freelancer, specifically as a trainer and coach. I gave myself the goal to stabilise my career before I turn 60 in 2026. After attaining my trainer credentials in 2023, I dedicated myself to attaining my ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC) credential this year, and I am happy to have achieved this before the end of the year. I’ve also signed on as an associate trainer with two companies, and I look forward to beginning training sessions in 2025. 

Training is an area where I see potential for growth, and it will also provide financial stability while I continue my freelance career. Coaching, on the other hand, is more client-driven, so income from coaching is less predictable. Nonetheless, I want to continue with my coaching practise as it keeps me socially engaged and enriches me beyond the financials. The combination of both will allow me to balance predictable income with the flexibility and fulfilment coaching offers. Training and coaching will thus be my focus professionally as I head into 2025. If I do this well, I should be able to achieve stability by 59 (2025), ahead of my 2026 target. 

Personal Life

2024 has been a defining year, particularly in my personal life, given the unexpected breakup in mid-April. After the breakup, I found myself facing the reality of being single for the first time in almost three decades since coming out. Many friends also took sides and left me feeling isolated. Having spent years in relationships, this period of singlehood has provided an opportunity for introspection and self-discovery. For the first time in a long while, I am forced to focus on living for myself, and embracing my independence. 

Positively, it allowed me to savour what it means to be single. This new experience has been liberating and allowed me to explore what brings me fulfillment beyond the expectations of others or the dynamics of a relationship. This phase of self-reflection and growth has been incredibly refreshing. I’ve come to understand the importance of prioritising my own well-being and personal journey. Admittedly, I’ve felt extremely lonely at times and yearned for company, but I’ve learned to embrace the freedom that comes with being single and the opportunities to reconnect with my own needs and desires. While I’m not closed to the possibility of future relationships, I will, in 2025, continue this journey of independence and savour the journey to rediscover myself. I’m excited to see where this path leads. 

Family & Relatives 

Family relationships have been a significant part of my life journey, but this year I’ve relearned the importance of setting boundaries to protect my peace. While I’ve always valued blood ties, I’ve come to realise that familial bonds should not come at the cost of my personal dignity and respect. After a conflict with my second sister over tenant sourcing, I decided to reassess and establish clearer boundaries with her. The fallout made me realise that while family is important, I cannot allow myself to be disrespected simply because of our shared history. 

In contrast, my relationship with my paternal relatives and eldest sister remains relatively unchanged with the usual festive and birthday greetings. It’s been an enlightening year in terms of learning how to protect my emotional well-being without feeling guilty about distancing myself from family members who do not honour my boundaries. For 2025, I intend to continue fostering healthy, positive relationships while maintaining a strong sense of self and independence. Family will always be important to me, but I am no longer willing to sacrifice my peace to maintain ties that feel unhealthy or one-sided. 

 

Financial Health

In 2024, I made a conscious decision to focus on my coaching credentials and training opportunities rather than working for a traditional income. As a matter of principle, I chose not to charge my clients financially but instead requested payments in kind, such as a meal or a drink. This allowed me to build valuable coaching experience while keeping costs low. I also leveraged my savings and rental income to finance this year, allowing me to focus on my career reinvention. 

A significant part of this decision was selling my car at the end of April, after owning several vehicles over the past three decades. While the car was once a necessity, its upkeep had become a financial strain, especially since I was not earning a regular income this year. Initially, I had held onto it for the sake of my partner and our regular outings, but after the breakup, keeping it no longer made sense. In 2025, I will focus on building a predictable income through training, with the goal of rebuilding my finances while maintaining a lean and sustainable lifestyle. Coaching will remain a supplementary income stream if indeed I charge, but training will become my primary income source, giving me the stability I need. 

Well-Being & Health

I wanted to prioritise my health and well-being this year. Given the all-too-pervasive challenges I faced this year, this priority to focus on my conscious efforts to maintain both my physical and mental health couldn’t have been more timely. I’ve continued my daily walking regime and am happy to have achieved an average of 18.6K steps a day for the year. Despite the occasional heart-related scares, I’m glad I’ve managed to maintain my heart health and with an affirmation by the cardiologist that all is well. My urologist’s review also showed no significant deterioration to my kidney conditions, which was a relief. 

Mentally, I had focused on reducing stress by travelling. This has been a key factor in helping me recharge and decompress. I made it a point to travel out of the country at least once a month, allowing myself the space to relax and escape the pressures of daily life. These trips have become a vital part of my routine, offering both relaxation and an opportunity to reset. For 2025, I will continue prioritising my well-being, with a focus on physical fitness and mental health, ensuring I stay balanced and healthy as I take on new challenges. 

Conclusion 

Looking back at 2024, it’s been a year of transformation, and significant change. I’ve also realised how resilient I am. The challenges I’ve faced, from a breakup to health scares and the reinvention of my career, have only made me stronger. I am excited about the opportunities that lie ahead - building a stable income through training, continuing my coaching journey, and maintaining a healthy balance between my personal and professional life. I’m ready to embrace the future with renewed purpose, confidence, and an open mind, knowing that the reinvention of 2024 has laid the foundation for the next chapter of my life.  

Happy 2025!

An interesting encounter

It had been raining heavily all evening, and I wanted to head to the nearby mall for a cup of Indian tea. There’s nothing quite like a piping hot cup of tea to warm you up on a chilly day.

On my way to the train station, I decided to use the restroom before boarding the train. As I walked into the toilet, a dazed-looking old man emerged, completely naked from the waist down. I found the sight unsettling but quickly went about my business and left the restroom. As I reached the walkway, I noticed a foreign domestic helper - later I learned she was the old man’s caretaker - frantically gesturing to the station manager for assistance. Despite the language barrier, the station manager understood her plight but, in his frustration, raised his voice, saying he couldn’t abandon his post to help. 

Sensing something amiss, I decided I couldn’t walk away without doing something. More than anything, I wanted to protect the old man’s dignity. I returned to the restroom, removed my sleeveless t-shirt, and put my jacket back on. Taking the t-shirt, I approached the old man and helped him put it on, inverting it so he could wear it like a pair of shorts. He looked confused but allowed me to help him. I then spoke to an elderly woman nearby, presumably his wife, in Teochew that the t-shirt would at least keep him covered as they make arrangements to get home. The maid explained that she had contacted the man’s son, who was on his way to fetch them. With some reassurance that help was on its way, I left them and continued toward the mall (which was one train station away). Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should do more. I decided to buy a pair of shorts for the old man. When I returned to the station, they were already gone. The station manager told me that the son had arrived and taken the old man home.

In the end, I didn’t get my tea, and I came home with a pair of oversized shorts that I’d probably never use. But I felt good knowing that, in a small way, I had been able to help preserve the old man’s dignity in a difficult moment.

Draining but meaningful

It has been an interesting and very draining past few days filled with numerous intense conversations. The following stood out:

• A friend, who had over the last many years/ months, shared about his ailing mother, texted me last Friday to tell me she's very ill. The conversation that followed was not an easy one as I had to tenderly share pointers about managing the care arrangements, navigating relationships and what he should consider when she passes on. I was glad to share what I shared. His mum had since passed on.

• Another old (perhaps my oldest) friend, shared about his mum's bad fall and how she broke her wrist and shoulder.  It came as a surprise cos his mum had been a very careful and independent person. And to hear of her fall, I can imagine how difficult it must have been for her, and for him.

• I met up with a couple of colleague turned friend turned coaching client over the last 3 days. And for some reasons, the conversations were all rather intense. But I noted that the themes were quite similar - what are the causes of their current tensions, how to define their future self, and what they must do as they navigate their journey to realise their future self. Such conversations are not easy as it requires a whole lot of EQ to call out things which, if delivered wrongly, could sound offensive.

And today is only Wednesday... I am already feeling drained, but on the other hand, I am glad I could support these friends in ways that are meaningful to them. It is also perhaps an opportune time to do so as they move towards closing this year.

Turning 58

I turned 58 yesterday. I had wanted it to be a quiet day of reflection and me-time. After all, it was to be my first birthday as a single person. But my birthday turned out to be more eventful than I thought. Here're some things that kinda shaped my birthday this year:

• I had a dinner treat from a friend on my birthday eve. I had not expect him to remember its my birthday but he did... so sweet of him. We ended the evening with a nice slow walk along the Changi Point park connector.

• I got a message from KS (a junior college friend of mine). He was my closest friend back then and we re-connected some 15-20 years ago. We have, since, exchange birthday and festive greetings annually. It always feel warm to get his messages.

• I received a "Happy Birthday" from my recent ex early in the morning. I half suspected he would do so and I graciously replied "Thank you". What I did not expect was his following message asking if I would be free for dinner this weekend. I did not reply. I may be gracious to thank him but I am not about to put myself through the experience of having to spend awkward moments with someone who chose to break off a relationship for his own self-centric reasons.

• The group of friends whom I mentioned about, the ones who gravitated to my ex after our breakup... well, they have arranged for a dinner this week. And despite turning them down politely, they have self-co-ordinated a time and insisted that I turn up for the dinner. I felt bad not to accept their invite.

• Received a large number of birthday greetings from friends, ex-colleagues, family and relatives, etc. Thankful they recalled my birthday although I must say it is not something I had expected as their wishes do not define our relationship. Then again, it just felt warm when I received their messages. 

• An ex-military colleague, whom I do not know personally, had been sending me festive and birthday greetings annually without fail. I have always been curious why he makes the effort to do so as there was absolutely no reasons to do so. Then again, I have come to the point of accepting it as a norm now.

• There were a few who did not wish me, and I felt uneasy with their silence as they had been doing so without fail over the decades. One sent a belated greeting this morning and he explained that he had been busy with his mum's funeral that happened yesterday (which I kinda suspected), another mentioned he was sick, my second sis kept quiet (and I kinda expect her to be so cos I had boycotted and avoided her over the last 3 months), etc... 

The above capped my 58th birthday. On the whole, it was a rather simple but nice and easy day with friends, hiking (and a nice birthday brunch treat) at the central catchment area, went for a medical review with my cardiologist, and had a nice evening with someone whom I just got to know not too long ago, etc. Perhaps that's what birthdays are supposed to be - no stress, just chill and do what appeals to me most.

Celebrating normality

Went for my heart review yesterday as a follow up to the scans I did 2 weeks ago. 

The review was over in just five minutes, with the senior consultant systematically running through the scan report, point by point. He concluded by congratulating me on having a heart that is functioning normally, noting that there is no blockage in the stent - or in any of the other arteries.

So yes, this is perhaps the best gift I could receive as I turn 58. It’s truly welcome news and a powerful reminder of how much we take our bodies for granted. "Functioning normally" may sound ordinary, but such normality is absolutely critical.

Hurray?

I did it!

I have passed my credential exams and am now a qualified coach! 

It's a very nice and fitting end to my "year of reinvention" where I had placed the focus on getting myself certified for a new skillset that I can leverage in the years ahead. And I supposed this is a good and nice early birthday and Christmas present for myself. Nothing beats celebrating myself at the end of the year!

Super happy about it!

I am Hulk

I am Hulk. Well, not exactly. I will not become green, bulky and gigantic when agitated; but I am currently radioactive! (although I don’t mind certain parts of my body to grow exponentially larger when emotionally charged)! Haha!

You see, I had several heart-related issues over the last quarter and the doctor ordered a myocardial perfusion imaging (MPI) scan for me. The procedure, that will be done in 2 parts, requires the injection of a small amount of radioactive chemical into my blood stream. This is to allow the blood vessels around the heart to show up with the scan is done. I had just completed the first scan today, and the second will be done on this Thursday morning. And to be cautious, I am not to interact with pregnant women and/ or children within 24-hours after the scan. 

So yes, I am radioactive! And stay away from me, at least until Friday! You wouldn’t want to experience me when I grow large (ya, right)! Lol!

Ps: but on serious note, I wonder if a person who has just gone through the scan is able to engage in sex after the procedure. And if he does, what is the risk to his sex partner, considering there will likely be exchanges of bodily fluids! Just asking :-) 

My friends, his friends

I used to be very close to my ex-colleagues and their partners - we even called ourselves “family.” My ex-colleagues affectionately referred to me as “Baba,” and we spent almost every weekend together. We played mahjong, travelled, celebrated birthdays, and marked all the major festivities as a group. When my ex became part of my life, he naturally became an integral part of this “family.” We had a shared WhatsApp group that included all of us and our partners. Over time, due to their similar ages, my ex grew close enough to form a separate WhatsApp group with my ex-colleagues. 

When we broke up, I texted the group and asked them to support him since he was alone in the country. To give myself the space to grieve, I excused myself from the chat. Now, I am essentially no longer part of the group. My friends and their partners have largely distanced themselves and only reach out when they need something, like dog-sitting. From what I see on their Instagram stories, it’s clear they (and my ex) hang out regularly. In effect, I’ve lost my closest friends to him - a bitter pill to swallow. 

I feel hurt and betrayed, especially during moments of loneliness when I crave companionship. Perhaps the age gap between me and my ex-colleagues played a role after all. But I remind myself that this is an opportunity to explore what it truly means to be me. It’s a chance to rediscover myself and build new connections. It won’t be easy - it’s exhausting as an introvert - but it’s something I must do. Maybe 2025 can be my year to focus on rediscovering and re-establishing myself, both personally and professionally. 

P.S. Finding company for dinner every day isn’t easy, and it’s probably something many people take for granted.

Countdown 2025

Thirty more days and it'll be the new year! 

Time to consolidate my thoughts and prepare for my end-of-the-year reflections. I think it will be rather straightforward this time round as I have done that recently in September. I will just need to update it to cover what happened over the last quarter.  And of course, I have already decided to christen 2024 as a year of Reinvention! In perspective, this was something I had set off to do and I had focused much of my energies around it! I will, nonetheless, need to reflect on how well I have achieved it, the lessons learnt and what more to do ahead! 

:-)

Urologist review

I visited the urologist for a review of my kidney stone situation. The review showed that the 2 stones lodged in the right kidney had remained somewhat unchanged. It also did not show any signs of kidney stones in the left kidney (which was good). With this, the urologist decided that the next review can be done in 2 years' time.

So, it's all good. For now...

:-)

My income sources & goals for 2024

The thing about coaching is that one gets to learn about lots of things from their clients. For me, one very important thing I learned is about income sources. Specifically, about the need to frame and diversify our income sources in three categories:

• A predictable income source: This is the most crucial of the three, as predictability ensures stability. Predictable income covers essential needs like bills and living expenses. Examples include a salaried job or consistent passive income, such as renting out a spare room.

• An unpredictable but flexible income source: This type of income acts as a safety net during challenging periods, such as job loss. With effort, it can even evolve into a primary income source if it grows significantly. Examples include side gigs, freelance work, or dividends from investments.

• An opportunistic income source: These activities help fill free time and may occasionally generate income, though not consistently or significantly enough to rely on. An example could be selling potted plants grown as part of a gardening hobby.  

This framework resonates deeply with me, as it shifts the focus from jobs to income sources, offering a broader and more flexible outlook. Reflecting on my current activities, I’ve mapped them to these categories:

• Training & renting out of my spare room: Training engagements, though somewhat unpredictable, is totally within my direct control and thus I framed it as a predictable income source. I just need to give the companies time for the administration and onboarding etc to be completed. Similarly, room rental is contractual and thus predictable.

• Coaching: This aligns with the second category. While coaching opportunities depend heavily on client initiation, referrals, and word of mouth - factors outside my direct control - investing in building a client base can increase its predictability over time.

• Other activities: Dog sitting align with the third category as they are adhoc and not related to income streams per se.  

This clarity has helped me manage earlier frustrations and focus on what I can control. My immediate priorities should be:

• Preparing for my coaching exams: Passing the credentialing exams is essential to affirming my credibility and contributing to expanding my coaching opportunities.

• Honing my training delivery skills: This includes mastering face-to-face and virtual formats, staying updated on emerging learning technologies, and adopting tools like generative AI to remain competitive.  

I’ve embarked on a journey to reinvent myself this year, and I’m still on track. Next year, my priority will shift to generating sustainable income while giving myself the time and space to achieve this. Push on!

Getting back on track

My schedule is finally filling up from January onwards, which is a relief.

For context, I’ve been feeling quite stressed lately. My coaching work slowed down significantly last month, and now I’m only coaching one or two clients a week, compared to two or three a day before. The training side has had its own challenges; onboarding was slow with one company, and with the other, I was only allotted one training session out of the five or six I bid for in January. This shortfall means I won’t generate the income I’d hoped for in the new year. On top of that, I had to complete several train-the-trainer sessions and observations before I became eligible to bid for additional course slots.

With all this extra time, I started feeling lonely and wrestling with self-doubt, particularly with the worry of not earning enough next year. My tendency to overthink only added to the stress, leading to many sleepless nights. Thankfully, things began to turn around a couple of weeks ago. Although my coaching frequency hasn’t picked up, I now have a confirmed exam date, giving me a concrete goal to work toward. Plus, my training onboarding is picking up, and my schedule is set, with several courses lined up each month starting in January.

At last, things are moving in the right direction, and I’m hopeful they’ll stabilize soon so I can fully get back on track.

9th Anniversary

Today marks the 9th anniversary of my mum's demise. Had made the trip to the columbarium to pay my respects to her last weekend in order to avoid bumping into my brother.

Time flies indeed.

Finally... dog going home

The dog owner will be picking up the dog in an hour. Whew… it’s been three weeks and two dogs! What an interesting few weeks. The two dogs couldn’t be more different in temperament. The first was edgy and reactive, while the second has been gentle and calm. I'm grateful the second dog got along well with my tenant.

During the last week, I noticed how “clingy” the second dog is - his owner calls him “velcro” - because he follows the people in the house constantly. When I’m home, he sticks to me everywhere I go; when I’m out, he attaches himself to my tenant. I also discovered he cries when left alone. I found out one day when I came home to hear him howling, only stopping once I opened the door. The next day, my neighbour even mentioned it to me! These behaviours show he’s very insecure, and knowing he cries when left alone made me feel like I had to rush back every time I left the house.

Soon, this gentle giant will be on his way, and I'll finally be able to move around without worrying about a dog at home. But first, I need to clean up - mopping floors, clearing fur, and scrubbing drool stains - to get the place back in order before heading off to KL early tomorrow morning.

:)

KL trip

I will be heading to KL this coming weekend. It will be a 4-day trip. I needed an overseas trip to recharge and refresh. I have only 4 days and had considered locations such as Taiwan, HK, China, etc. After considering factors such as cost, fuss, comfort-level, etc, I concluded that KL would be the best option.

I have not planned annything and am letting things be spontaneous. I have visited KL so often I am not longer excited about the usual touristy stuff. In fact, I might just end up staying in my room or doing some simple shopping. 

Let's see how things go.

Dog-sitting

I've been dog-sitting for the past three weeks, starting with a female Singapore special (mongrel) owned by a couple who went on their annual vacation in Europe. This dog has stayed with me before, so she’s familiar with my place. However, this time was a bit different since I now have a tenant. Initially, things were fine - she even got comfortable enough to sleep under his bed (in his room) and he allowed her to do so without any complains.

Now, this Singapore special is a highly edgy dog, and she can become aggressive when she feels uneasy or threatened. It took months for her to warm up to me, and even now, she occasionally reacts by biting my hands, likely when she's startled. When this happens, I would scold her. And I always stay cautious around her. Like most dogs, she's tempted by food smells, and she often heads to the kitchen when my tenant cooks, which can be annoying. And to avoid any untoward incidents, I had to tell the tenant not to feed her, iterating that she has specific diet requirements as instructed by her owners.

One evening while I was out, my tenant called, sounding upset. Apparently, the dog bit him while he was washing up in the bathroom, which left him shaken. He showed me the bite marks, claimed they were quite painful, and wanted to see a doctor. I reassured him that her shots were up to date, so there was no rabies risk. Though I didn’t see obvious bite marks, I had to play along to appease him. Tbh, I don’t believe dogs would turn aggressive towards any individual suddenly and have my own suspicions over how he had treated her when I was not around. But I didn't press further. 

Following this incident, my tenant became extra wary of her. He would walk around the house with extra caution, making sure she was not around before he move around. I must admit his behaviour was quite upsetting for me. As for the dog, she would try to sniff and often a time, barks at him when she sees him. To prevent any further unfortunate incident, I kept her in my room whenever my tenant was at home. She returned to her owners two days ago, and things have since settled down.

Now, I’m looking after another friend’s dog - a gentle, large labradoodle whose owner is away for a week in China. Since my friend knew I’m comfortable with dogs, she asked if I could dog-sit. This dog is much calmer and friendly with people, but I am still a bit nervous about how he’d interact with my tenant. Thus far, my tenant felt comfortable enough to pet him. And just like the first dog, he’s started visiting the tenant’s room when I’m out. I didn’t say much but ensured the dog keeps a distance whenever I’m at home.

Here’s hoping things stay smooth and there’s no repeat of the last incident! Fingers crossed.

Interesting times ahead

5 Nov came and went. Since then, the world felt a little different.

There was a time when values and character would make or break a person's public life. Not anymore. But let's just leave it as that. My thoughts and opinions are not going to change anything. The sad part is that the world will likely end up in a worst state as a result.

Interesting times ahead...

60 days

60 more days to 2025. Time moves faster when one gets older. Agree?

Unmotivated

I am not sure if this is depression but I am totally not in the mood to do anything, no mood to socialise, no mood to do anything that, objectively, I know I must do to, say, generate income. Just feel totally unmotivated to want to take any steps forward. There's always this voice in my head that tells me to not rush and just relax... that I should just take my time... procrastination? I just don't know how to describe. I mean, I am not feeling unhappy per se. There's a sense of aimlessness or lack of purpose. Things just don't have any meaning to me. But I am not suicidal. So… perhaps I’m not depressed after all.

I am just so so unmotivated.

Exams in Dec

After navigating one delay after another, I have finally managed to book the date for the coaching credentialing examinations. It will be on 4 Dec. Planned to study from mid-Nov and hopefully, I will be able to pass the exams without too much difficulties.

Wish me luck!

Trip to Taiwan

I’ve just returned from a memorable 7-day trip to Taiwan, exploring its northern parts with visits to Tamsui, Yilan, and Taipei City. Each stop offered its own unique experiences and charm. 

• Tamsui surprised me with more than just the old street night market - it’s packed with temples, tourist spots like Fisherman’s Wharf, and Shalun Beach, a gay nudist beach. It’s been years since I visited one, so I couldn’t resist. The public transport here is reliable, but I found Google Maps’ timings off; heading directly to bus stops worked better. 

• From Tamsui, I took a ferry across the river to Bali - not the Indonesian one, but a quiet town whose name stems from “Eighth Mile” in hanyupinyin. Bali offers a peaceful beachfront for cycling, with quirky photo spots like heart-shaped installations meant for wedding shoots.  

• Along the coastal route toward Yilan, places like Shimendong and Tiaoshi stood out. Shimendong features a natural stone arch, and Tiaoshi is known for its quirky bus stop. Both are highly Instagrammable, but the real beauty was in the picturesque coastal road itself. 

• En route to Yilan, I stopped at Yehliu Geological Park to see its famed rock formations, particularly the Queen’s Head. The park is small and the crowds of overexcited tourists dampened the experience. I skipped the queue for a photo with the Queen’s Head and got a shot from a less crowded angle. 

• Yilan is a slower-paced county known for its spas, especially in Jaioxi. I took a relaxing dip in the foot baths and hiked to Wufengqi waterfall - a challenging climb, but worth it. Before leaving Yilan, I toured the Kavalan Whisky Distillery, a must for whisky lovers. 

• One unexpected experience during my stay in Yilan was my first earthquake. As I was watching Netflix, the bed started shaking for about 10 seconds. Initially, I thought the room might be haunted, but a friend’s text confirmed it was an earthquake, registering 4.7 on the Richter scale. Strangely enough, I had nightmares during both nights in Yilan - struggling with some dark figures in my dreams. While unsettling, I was glad it didn’t last beyond those two nights. 

• In Taipei City, I avoided the usual tourist spots and instead strolled through the city, soaking in the urban energy. My evening walk led me to 228 Peace Park, where I unexpectedly encountered the local cruising scene - a surprise after experiencing something similar back in Singapore. 

• One of the highlights of Taipei was hiking Elephant Mountain in the evening. The view of the city skyline, with Taipei 101 lit up, was spectacular. I also enjoyed a tranquil ride on the Maokong Gondola, where I visited tea plantations and savored a pot of chamomile tea with local green bean biscuits. 

• And of course, no trip to Taiwan is complete without visiting the night markets. I explored several, from Tamsui Old Street to Yilan’s Dongmen and Luodong markets, as well as Taipei’s Raohe market. Each had its own vibe and unique food offerings, giving me a taste of Taiwan’s famous street food culture.

Overall, 7 days felt just right for this trip, though I somehow ended up bringing home more TWD than I left. Looks like I have to plan for another trip to Taiwan soon!

9.9 - A special day

According to traditional Hokkien beliefs, herbs are at their most potent on the 9th day of the 9th month in the lunar calendar, a day celebrated as the Chongyang Festival. 

This day also coincides with the birthday of the Nine Heavenly Emperors, which was once a major event for many Taoists. As a child in the 1970s, my mother would take me to the temple, where worshippers, all dressed in white, would wear yellow wristbands to ward off evil and follow a vegetarian diet. Menstruating women were considered 'unclean' and were not allowed in the temple. In the evening, the temples would carry the deities in vibrant parades along major roads, with crowds lining the streets to join in the celebrations.

At home, the day always started with a large pot of herbal chicken soup. Everyone in the family was required to drink at least one bowl. This soup wasn’t just for warding off diseases—it helped to strengthen the body as the weather turned cooler with the approach of winter. On this day, the herbal soup was made to be more 'yang,' or heaty, to boost immunity and protect the body from colds and flu.

These memories of Chongyang Festival remind me of how traditions intertwine with both culture and health. Even now, taking herbal soup on this day feels like a way to connect with both my heritage and my well-being. 

Time for a bowl of soup!

Letting go

I opened my safe today and found a long forgotten envelope. It looked old, worn, and I cannot recall its content until I opened it. There was a notepad, a stack of photos, cards, and even negatives (films). 

These were items from my early relationships to which I held dear. There were a few cards written to me by James. They captured his thoughts, how contented he felt when I held him in my arms, etc. James was probably his best when he put things in writing. And there were also two by Su How. He was not as expressive as James and his cards were just that - cards with a simple sign off. The cards and the content were reflective of the persons behind them - one reflective, articulate and well-read, while the other, simple and unassuming. 

The photos, negatives and the notebook were from the days when Amos and I dated. Those were the early days before I "settled down". Emotions were highly intense and interactions very physical. The notebook captured very detailed accounts of how we met, our dates, our intimate moments, etc. Those were the days before blogging and I wanted to capture our special moments. People would probably think it was written by porn author if they did not know the context. Heh…

I tore up the items and threw them all away. No one will need these items when I eventually go. Leave these as part of my memory. That is enough. And if they should fade, so be it.

Time to let go. 

Interesting

I follow the presidential race rather closely and one thing that continue to baffle me is this - with two very contrasting candidates, why is it that the polls continue to show such close numbers?  what does it tell about the quality of the voters? and that is assuming the polling sample size, methods, etc is as robust as it should be.

New people coming/ going

This recent 5 months of "singlehood" has been rather interesting. I have blogged before about characters whom I had interacted with that came and went. I have accepted that these fleeting interactions, with or without meeting up, is the norm. And of cos, there are also characters that became friends over time. Without going into too much details, let me just mention about some of them here:

• I have known this person for many years. He is a year older than me. We had not really chatted nor meet up with him over the last 7 - 8 years after I got attached. But recently, we reconnected and met up a couple of times. Our interactions were very warm and of late, he started opening up more and sharing about himself/ his life - such as telling me his real name, about his family, etc. I didn't probe why he did so but it certainly felt good to be able to connect at a more personal level and have someone showing interest in my life. 

• A person I got to know in KL. We became friends and he invited me to put up at his place if I were to visit KL, and he invited me to follow him to his workplace to see how they run the business. But I fell sick during that particular visit and had to be looked after by his "godson" while he went to work. His "godson" is half his age and often threw tantrums. And for some reasons, I became a subject of his tantrums. It happened before my planned third visit and he said he didn't want to have me stay over.  I have decided not to visit them anymore and thought it is perhaps better to leave this friend alone. Whatever happens between him and his "godson" is for him to manage and I certainly do not want to be involved in their relationship.

• A few others I got to know via Grindr has been quite insistent on meeting up but I have not agreed. Have somewhat chatted with them on and off but well, Grindr conversations tend to have common structure and flow... often it starts with some pleasantries ("hey? how are you doing?", "intro", "wassup"), and in no time, about sex ("so what do you like to do?", "are you top of bottom?"), and asking for explicit pictures, and then to meet up for "fun". It gets kinda tiring to have to constantly hold such conversations. So these days, I reply superbly selectively and would simply delete most of the messages that come in.

• And then there are my coaching course mates and coaching clients that feature significantly in my life this year. These include friends, ex-colleagues, peer coaches, referrals, etc and I met up with them regularly over the course of their monthly coaching engagements. These engagements kept me connected to the larger world. I had wanted to come into the training and coaching space cos I want to make sure that when I reach retirement age, I can continue to be socially engaged. And I believe I am starting to have a sense of what retirement life would look like now.

It's been an interesting journey so far and I believe I will experience more interesting things as I navigate this new phase of my life.

Blogging more

I am beginning to re-appreciate the value of blogging. 

It allows me to offload my thoughts and to relief my mind of things that would, otherwise, take up a lot of space and energies. As an over thinker (that I am), this definitely helps in managing my own thoughts, emotions and bettering my emotional well-being. Above all,  blogging allows me capture my reflections, and learn from it. 

Thing is, I need to remind myself to do more of it... I need to rekindle the interest and motivation to do so. 

:-)

Mistakes vs Intent

I came across a TikTok post last night and it got me thinking. 

The post was about mistakes & intent - that if we repeat a mistake or something we did wrong, it becomes intentional. The example used was about how a person came to a meeting late, and he apologised for it and his apology was accepted. However, when he came to the meeting late the second time round, his apology was no longer accepted and he was chided for deliberately being late. The rationale - that his repeated mistake now reflects a deliberate intent to be late. Hmmm, I could understand where this was coming from - if his has learned his lesson, he would have made efforts to provide enough buffers for the many "what ifs" to avoid being late. But I think calling it intentional for being late the second time may be a tat too harsh in this example, and too simplistic. He could have made provisions to be early but perhaps never expect his car to breakdown, or get into an accident, or missed the bus, or get caught in the lift, etc. You get the drift, there can be just that many reasons why he appeared late again. And my take is this - repeated mistakes reflects an intentionality only if it happens again, and again, and without valid reasons. I do not think there is a clear distinct point as to when it becomes intentional but I do suspect somewhere in the equation are the elements of "communications" and "trust". 

Agree?

Just another of my weekend musing. Been a while...

2024 thus far

Without realising it, we have less than 4 months before 2025. It is also a good time to consolidate key happenings for this year so I don’t have to think too hard when Dec comes knocking. I had set off to keep healthy and to reinvent myself this year. So let's take a look at how far I have progressed.

Self-care & Health

• Let's start off with mental well-being - on the whole, I thought I’d managed this relatively ok, apart from the set-back as a result of the break-up
• I was able to sustain a decent level of social engagement
• I maintained my desire to head out for oversea breaks at least once a month
• I sustained my minimum 10K steps a day (current average steps clocked per day this year stands at 17.7K)
• Regrettably, there was a couple of unfortunate major sickness esp over the last month resulting in the need to visit the A&E (ED) department twice

Coaching 

• This is possibly my biggest achievement for the year
• I had completed all 3 training modules, thereby fulfilling the required training hours needed 
• Also, have completed 2 out of the 3 mentoring sessions and passed all markers required
• I should complete the last mentoring session in 2 weeks
• Had also completed 128 hours of coaching thus far 
• This is more than the minimum 100 hours required but I continued to coach so I can keep my skills warm and to work towards the next level of accreditation 
• I should be able to sit for the credentialing exams by end-Sep/ early-Oct once I finished my final mentoring session
• I have not decided how I will build on this after my certification, but I do think building a coaching business is a possible option for me
• I can decide on this after I pass the exams

Training

• I managed to successfully sign up as an associate trainer with 2 companies
• So far, I have yet to start conducting any training given the need for preparatory activities 
• I expect the training proper should happen before year-end
• By next year, I would have gotten a good feel of what to expect and I should be able to stabilise this aspect of my life
• More importantly, being able to train will also allow me to re-establish a way where I can generate an income source in a more sustainable manner

Professional 

• I had set up a company earlier this year. The intent behind it was to allow me the options to either make a business out of it, or at least to leverage it for payment purposes in time to come
• I got myself credentialed as a senior certified professional with the Society for HR Management 
• This is a requirement set by one of the training company as a pre-requisite before I can conduct their HR-related programmes

The above were directly related to my health and well-being as well as reinventing myself. I must add that when I said I wanted to reinvent myself, it was in the context of work. But 2024 saw me being "reinvented" in more ways than just work, especially in my personal life. These changes had directly impacted me in all ways, especially in my well-being. But positively, it allowed me to channel my energies into reinventing myself. Here're the details.

Personal life

• Had an unfortunate break up after close to 7 years when he decided to move on to focus on his personal priorities
• Have since been avoiding him in an attempt to give myself the space to heal and to grow
• Notably, some of my closer friends gravitated towards him and I am somewhat left stranded
• It had been 4 months and it was the longest time since coming out where I was single and not attached
• Loneliness can be a real bitch and when it hits, it hits really hard
• But positively, this void forced me to look elsewhere to expand my circle of friends, e.g., via social apps like Grindr, which I met with varying successes
• I also made the efforts to re-establish connections with some older contacts
• It also gave myself the freedom to visit gay haunts and to indulge in things I would normally not do (let's leave it at that)
• Above all, it allowed me to channel some good energies into coaching and this kept me sane during the immediate periods after my break-up

Family

• I managed to maintain close and warm relationship with my paternal side relatives with regular calls and occasional dinner get togethers
• Had maintained a somewhat warm relationship with my eldest sister & her family with an invitation to my nieces' housewarming
• For my second sis, the year started off relatively well but the relationship took a dive especially after she badly handled the sourcing of a tenant for me (I am pretty pissed off with her tbh)
• Will let things be for now and go with the flow

Others

• I had sold off my car, after more than 3 decades of driving
• Managed to get a decent price for it with minimal loss, and that's good
• Objectively speaking, it does not make financial sense to hold on to it now that I am alone and public transport is easily accessible from my place
• I had also managed to get a tenant
• Trying to get used to staying with a stranger as of now and tbh, I myself seemed like a tenant in my own home, at least for now 
• But positively, it does give me a source of passive income

The above is a consolidation of my 2024 thus far. Looking at it, I think I have done quite a bit although it seemed like I am quite free and quite chill this year... LOL. Or is this just my way of self-consolation? But back to my aim of keeping healthy and well, and reinventing myself. Have I achieved it? I think to a large extend, I have kept to it. Some things are beyond my control (e.g. break-up and falling sick), but for the parts about reinventing myself, I think I am moving in the right direction.

Let's not be too harsh on myself. All's good for now, that's my conclusion.

I deserve it...

I have constantly felt torn when it comes to managing my pace of life. On one hand, I am taking things slow and easy - in planning my daily commitments, in pursuing my part time career, etc. Whereas on the other hand, I find myself frequently chiding myself for procrastinating, doing things a tat too slowly, and having no sense of urgency. This struggle with how fast/ slow I am doing things is real and often a times, I questioned myself about whether I am lazy, whether I am a loser, etc... and for that matter, I still get very angsty when things don't go according to the timeline I have planned for myself. Well, you get the drift. To manage this, I have to constantly and consciously remind myself a key reason behind leaving corporate life is to give myself the time and space to slow my life down, don't sweat the small stuff, learn to embrace life as it happens and just enjoy the journey.

Take for example, I wanted to get my coaching credential asap, by July/ August if possible and had placed much energies into the process, coaching up to 2 clients a day (which was superbly draining), and with the thought that I can take the credentialing exams once I complete my first mentoring session. I was deeply disappointed when I was told I must complete all 3 mentoring sessions despite having passed the first session. This would set me back by 2 months before I could register for the exams. It took me a while to remind myself that on the grander scale of things, I am still within my target of getting myself full transitioned to a part-time livelihood by 60 years old (2 more years); and thus, I should just chill and take things in stride.  Other examples include struggling over basic things like waking up early vs waking up later, being more spontaneous vs planning every detail of my time.

It seemed like my body has been so tuned to the lifelong habit of waking up early, rushing from point-to-point, getting things done fast, etc so much so that I am finding it hard to slow myself down - that I don't know how to slow down and smell the roses. Basically, I have not gotten used to having free time on my hand! And I often have to tell myself that this struggle will come to past once I get use to it and made this a new norm for me. Ok, I don't know if what I wrote made sense, but yeah, I just want to capture it somewhere... so till I embrace this new norm, I have to remind must “slow down, slow down... you have rushed your whole life, it is time to give yourself a break, slow things down, laze, procrastinate, etc... you deserve it!”

Senior Citizen

I watched Deadpool & Wolverine at the cinema today. 

With the M18 rating, the film did not feature too big amongst moviegoers. I thought the show was too violent, much much too violent. It's Deadpool after all, one might argue, but I still posit that the whole storyline could still be kept intact without all the gore, blood, and all... it’s hard to make sense of all the wanton slashing, chopping of limps, indiscriminate decapitation, etc. I closed my eyes whenever such scenes played out. But to be fair, there were some pretty good scenes that brought out the complex emotions of the characters, especially towards the end. And I certainly caught all the adult/ LGBTQ-jokes. On the whole, I kinda enjoyed the movie.

But this blog entry wasn’t meant to review the movie. I wrote this blog becos the cinema attendant cut me a senior citizen ticket without even verifying my age! Damn it! Do I really, really, finally, look like a senior citizen? Darned! I was momentarily dumbfounded and it took me a while to pay for my ticket. I didn't even know if I should feel sad or happy... hmmm... I supposed I was amused. And yes, the ticket cost me only $4.50 - a third of what it would usually cost if I were to watch on the eve of/ weekends. And for this price, I supposed all's good! I should watch more movies on weekdays henceforth!

:-)