moments
... of my life
Saturday 4 May 2024
Thursday 2 May 2024
Coaching hours
To get myself certified as a coach, I need to attend 3 training modules, undergo 3 mentoring sessions, take an ICF-administered exam, and accumulate minimally 100 coaching hours. I have thus far done 2 modules and have registered myself for the third in June. As for the 100 coaching hours, I have managed to clock close to 60 hours. It has been a tough journey but one that is hugely rewarding.
My client base now includes referrals such as friends of friends as well as their spouses. And to get updates from my friends that their referrals found me good and that they had benefited from my coaching was a huge motivation for me. It tells me I am moving on the right track! I need to keep up my momentum and hopefully, I can reach my 100 hours within the next 2 - 3 months.
Keep going Jeffrey!
Wednesday 1 May 2024
New arrangements
Goodbye car
Thursday 25 April 2024
Reframing - Grateful
There’s a lot of bitterness over the break up and I’ve been struggling to get over things.
The bitterness arose when I thought through all those things I had done for him and supported him over the years - through his settling down in Singapore, his several career changes over the years and contributed to his growth to what he is today. I have my quirks and I am not the best person at times, especially over the last 2 years as I navigated my choices post-COVID. Nonetheless, I’m not going to beat myself over being so as I am only human and I have my own challenges to manage. I myself needed support when things get tough. I guess it’s not something he is willing to commit to and that compounded my sense of bitterness.
I’ve been having insomnia and drowning myself with TikTok and Instagram posts that speak about moving on and how to live better moving forward. And what resonates with me is the need to practice self-love and to look ahead. Also, the need to let go of the past and not focus on what could have been. So, I am reframing a lot of my bitterness to help me move on. Here’s a start. I am thankful to him for:
- Giving me a sense of purpose in life again after my mum’s passing
- Discovering the extent of what I can do when I love someone - eg driving to Penang to pick him when he’s down with COVID
- Helping out with the household expenses and chores when needed
- Introducing me to his friends and his family, something he has never done before
- Keeping by my side during the COVID lockdown and keeping me sane as we struggled through the dark period
- Helping with little gestures such as cleaning my ears when it’s itchy
- Being the most ardent fan of my cooking (and I love cooking); and above all,
- Allowing me to be part of his life over the last 7 years, especially during the times when he struggled with his father's passing
The End
Thursday 18 April 2024
I am not god
I have a real story to share.
- I have known this person for a long while
- He was a devout person (to his religion and god)
- He was diagnosed with cancer 2 years back and his health deteriorated over time
- The last time I met him 2 months back he was already bedridden
- He told me he resented and had given up on his god for cursing him with such a disease
- Nonetheless, through this difficult period, his wife continued to do the necessary rituals of praying and blessing him daily
- She held strongly that god’s love is unconditional and whatever is happening is fated and that he must walk this path as destined
- He passed away last week
- His family gave him a good religious funeral and continued having deep faith that his god will continue to guide and love him
I see strong parallels in this story to us human relationships. The only exception is that for us, both are humans and, unconditional and altruistic love is just not possible between two persons.
For humans, both parties must put in the effort to give and to support as both parties will go through their own lives and navigate life’s ups and downs - that is what through thick and thin means. And if any one party stop doing that, things will not work out.
Do I make sense?
Wednesday 17 April 2024
Sunday 14 April 2024
Random Nothings
Well, have felt the urge to blog lately but on the other hand, have also realised I've somewhat lost the momentum to do so... and today, I am feeling somewhat off and thought it might be good to write something. So, here're some points top of my mind:
- I have invested much energies in coaching and have clocked about 40% of the 100 hours needed for my accreditation. Nonetheless, I still need to take a final module and submit 3 recordings as evidence for my coaching. Will need to continue getting clients for me to practice my coaching. It's been a good journey thus far and I have learned much along the way. And I must say that I am getting pretty good at learning how to detach myself from my client's issues.
- I have had, on at least 3 occasions, clients who broke down halfway through the coaching conversations. When it first occurred, I was somewhat unprepared for it, but over time, I am better prepared and am now a tat better at managing such emotions when it occurs. I am grateful for the trust my clients gave to me when they opened up their thoughts and I am also thankful for them for providing me with the opportunity to partner them in their life's journey.
- Talking about coachees, I have been pleasantly surprised by some old colleagues (from my previous previous employments over a decade ago) who reached out to me - asking if I am keen to coach them/ their spouses. I am thankful for their support and I believed I must have done something right all these years for them to remember me and to now reach out to me so readily, and allowing me to help them (and for them to help me clock my hours too).
- Had just returned from Hangzhou and Shanghai earlier this week. It was a short but a good trip, especially the weather. It's been crazy warm in Singapore and walking out of the public transport feels like having the aircon vent suddenly bursting into your face! So, despite drizzling half the days I was there, the 12-16C weather in China worked perfectly for me. Apart from that, I also realised that I had forgotten almost everything about Hangzhou and Shanghai since my last visit about 2 decades ago. So, yeah, I kinda enjoyed the trip.
- Have received updates on and off about the condition of an ex-colleague who suffered from cancer and this morning, received news that he had passed away. Didn't come as a surprise given the increased frequency of updates I got lately. Nonetheless, the news of his passing still made me feel sad. But certainly, it reminded me again that we all walk the same path and sooner or later, everyone of us have to go. So, in a way, I felt happy for him that he had arrived earlier than me.
- Recently, for some reasons, the blog post about my mum's passing was visited by several of my blog readers. I knew about this as it trended in my blog stats. So I took the opportunity to re-read the posts about the final moments before her passing and the immediate few days after that. As I read the details, I realised that despite the 8-9 years, the emotions can still be quite raw.
- I have been out of work for about 4 months and during this period, I have focused much of my time on coaching. Admittedly, thoughts of whether this is the right path to take did crossed my mind numerous times. And when such thoughts crossed my mind, I do reminded myself of my life now. I supposed such self-doubts are common and I just need to NOT be too harsh on myself and give myself the space to just take things slow, for once in my life.
- I have been watching clips from instagram and TikTok lately and for some reasons, I keep getting news that I am highly uncomfortable with, politics - local and overseas, wars and tensions, quarrels, etc... you kinda get the drift. I am especially uncomfortable some who complain about anything and everything under the sun and attribute them to the government. If these people have so much complains about their life here, they might as well just migrate and go to another country.
Saturday 16 March 2024
Journey on!
It's been slightly more than 2.5 months since I left my corporate life but it felt like forever, given the immense amount of time I have on my hand. It was an interesting journey and at times, rather challenging - emotionally, and psychologically. Admittedly, the financials has not fully hit as I had continued to leverage the remainings of my last drawn salary and my heightened consciousness to be careful with my spendings. Regardless, I expect this to hit me soon (sweat!). All these changes impact not just me but also the people around me. I am sure these transitional pains will go off once things stabilise with time.
For now, here're what I have done during this period:
- I had gone for 2 vacations - China and Taipei. For the former, I visited Guangzhou, Chengdu, Jiuzaigou, Xi'an and Beijing over a 14-day period. As per my previous trips to China, there were just so many things to see and do. One thing about China is that they advance really fast! It was less than 2-decades since my last visit and the improvements to the infrastructure, quality of life, etc is mind-boggling! The second visit was to Taipei. It was a short 3-day visit during the Chinese New Year. Despite the short duration, it was certainly a good break - temperature, vibes, experiences and all.
- I had started my journey to be a qualified coach. Had subscribed to a coaching course and have thus far completed 2 of the 3 modules. The last module will be the longest and most challenging of the 3 given the extra requirements to submit coaching recordings, attend mentoring sessions, amongst others. But I will wait till May this year before I register for this last module as the government fundings for self-development will only be available from May onwards. Otherwise I will have to pay a substantial amount of money for it.
- I did a lot of coaching. I need to clock minimally 100 hours as part of my accreditation requirement. Hope to be able to complete this process by the end of the year, or, earlier if possible. Since starting the process last last month, I have achieved 15hrs out of the 100hrs needed. I think it is quite decent. But my clients were largely friends and ex-colleagues. It is not sustainable and I need to expand my client base. I was told that the starting is the most challenging but the numbers of clients will come in from referrals if my coachees find me effective.
- I did a lot of networking. The initial intent was to maintain contact and keep the relationship warm with my ex-colleagues. But over time, the intent also shifted to include expanding my coaching clientele base. The process was most humbling. I experimented with the different approaches - by asking them to let me coach them, to asking people to help me, to... I was not successful many a time. On the whole, this process to seek help forced me to leave my comfort zone and learn how to better market myself. It also allowed me to renew connections. And that is a good thing.
- I had initiated the process of starting a company. I did this after doing some research online - that individuals need to register a company in order to do business/ provide services to companies on a regular basis. The process will take perhaps a month, depending on the document verification process. Let's hope it goes through smoothly.
Sunday 24 December 2023
2023 - Balancing Acts
7 years
My last day of employment is Christmas Day. And being a public holiday, I returned all my stuff last Friday. So, I have technically left my company. Must admit I felt somewhat lost... after all, it's been a good 7 full years with the company.
Gonna take break in China over the next 2 weeks before deciding my next steps.
:-)
Monday 4 December 2023
I Passed
I passed the paper that I did not make it in my first attempt and in doing so, achieved the requirements needed to qualify for the professional certification.
So yeah, I’ve done it!
Monday 27 November 2023
Saturday 18 November 2023
Sick
I’m not sure if it’s anything to do with the fact that I resigned, or that the planning team of the regional summit finally departed for Bangkok, but I came down with a superbly nasty flu almost immediately after that. Took an MC yesterday and slept for almost a solid 24hours after that…
Heavy head, fever, sore throat, lost my voice, terrible cough and the whole works. Otherwise, my ART was negative. I think I’ll have to do my COVID-19 booster soon, it’s been almost a year.
PS: I was, with less than 2 months, tasked to organise a regional summit. And this was a third time this year, being tasked to organise something major at the last minute - just because they trust I can deliver. Despite my protest given my preoccupations with many other pressing tasks, my (now) immediate boss, gave me no choice and literally forced it onto me. I did it very unwillingly cos the team that was supposed to organise it, didn’t act on it until it was too late and I was roped in as “I had done a good job before”. It’s probably my record to organise a regional summit within 2 months. So, enough is enough.
Thursday 16 November 2023
Sunday 8 October 2023
I Failed
I did not make it for the certification. In another word, I failed.
I must admit I felt disappointed. Failing is not something I experience very often. The next thing that went through my mind was - how do I even break this news to the rest of my colleagues? Then again, screw it, it is not something that defines me and I should not be embarrassed about it. It is just a small blip and probably not something I should be surprise, considering employment act and legislation is not something I have to manage on a daily basis as I am a specialist and not a generalist. But whatever it is, it simply reflect the level of unpreparedness and that I have to accept it. It is just a little sour aftertaste for me as I had wanted this to be my swan song before I leave the industry. But I supposed it is not to be. I have written in to ask how I can take a reassessment.
Until then, let's just move along.
Sunday 1 October 2023
Certification
I attended my professional certification exams last Thursday.
It was really intense - one that had me walking out feeling dazed and wondering wtf I had just gone through. The exams consisted of 2 papers. The first comprised 30 MCQs that assesses ones’ understanding and applications of local employment laws and legislations. One need to score 50% to pass this paper. The second paper was scenario-based. Four scenarios were provided based on the context of a start up, an SME, an MNC and a government statutory board. Against these background, 8 MCQ questions were asked per scenario that requires the individual, in the capacity of the CHRO, to address specific HR-related issues. Thing is, all answers are logical and right but depending on the context, some answers are more appropriate than the others. So it is almost impossible to know whether one had selected the right answer. And the passing mark for the second paper is 70%!
Anyway, let's just wait for the results to be announced. It will be a 3-week wait. So, let's see if I passed.
:-)
Monday 25 September 2023
White Canvas
Being Selfless
I took a pause when I typed the title. I wondered if it would be more apt to title this post “Being Selfish”. Anyway…
I must say I have often asked if I should be more selfish in how I conduct my life. Have often been taken for granted in life - both professionally and personally - and it felt shitty. And during such moments, thoughts like - I care for this or that, but who’s there to care for me? Where’s the reciprocal engagement when I need it? Or, you can add more and more things onto my plate because I can deliver, but where is the tangible recognition when it is due? Perhaps such moments hit hard when you feel down. And it also comes with the realization that there are unstated expectations of some form of gratifications, or even a simple acknowledgment/ thank you. That is not too much to ask, right?
I am human; and there is a limit to how much I can give, before I breakdown.
Words & Questions
Wednesday 20 September 2023
Interesting Turn of Events
I almost terminate my employment two weeks back. But I held back as I didn't want to take that action when I was so emotional. I will probably not go into the details of why I was emotional but suffice to say I felt taken for granted when I was asked to undertake the planning of a major regional event as the person who was tasked to do it sat on it till it was too late and my chief conveniently tasked it to me as "I had the experience of planning it and I can do so again". To top it off, my reporting manager didn't support me despite me calling out that it would be too stretch for me as I was heavily involved in another major project.
And last week, my reporting manager informed me that come 1 Oct, there will be a department reorg and I will be reporting to the guy who sat on the project. With this announcement, it is even more difficult for me to terminate my service. Doing so would to send a wrong message that my termination of service is because of him. It would make the whole thing too personal. Regardless, I will definitely want to leave the company very soon. If I do not do so soon, I will never ever move away from my comfort zone and this will slow down my transition process. I just need to bite the bullet, suffer the financial setback for the immediate short term and rebuild my career again. At age 57, it is definitely risky but I supposed water will always find its own level eventually.
I just need to start the process.
Friday 1 September 2023
Sick
I’ve never experience a flu so bad I was given a total of 3 days MC and 2 weeks of antibiotics, cold tablets, cough mixture, etc. Had initially thought it was Covid but it wasn’t.
It all started 2 Thursdays ago when I felt a little oozy. And on Friday, the flu got bad. I had assumed I would be able to recover over the weekend, but no, it gotten even worst on Sunday and I went to see my family physician. I was given an MC on Monday, but I was still totally bad when I returned to work on Tuesday. The company doctor gave me an additional 2 days MC and a whole lot of medications - cold tabs, cough syrup, antibiotics, something to dissolve my phlegm, etc… the condition didn’t improve…
I lost my voice, had superbly bad congestion, and couldn’t speak without breaking into violent cough. This was one week out since the flu started. Went back to the doctor and was given another bag of medications, this time round she increased the dosage and added a few other stronger medication including nasal spray, steroids, etc. She jokingly said what I have is akin to bronchitis and if the condition doesn’t improve, she will have to send me for further checks and x-ray…
Sighs.
Postponed to Sep
Had previously signed up for my professional certification end-Aug but felt it was too rush and have since postponed it to end-Sep. Gonna get back to mugging!
:-)
Tuesday 8 August 2023
Completed ACLP2.0
- The course content itself was not difficult tbh. But I felt the course design was a tat too skewed towards formal instructions. Given current industry shift towards workplace learning, I thought it would be more effective if more hours could be allocated to workplace learning.
- My biggest takeaway from the course was the people. The instructors were warm and made good efforts to help us through the course. And my coursemates were a bunch of really nice people. They were really supportive and fun to be with. I must confessed that I was more energised when I was attending class compared to when I go to work.
- Also, several of the instructors in the institute were ex-military persons whom I know. They had left the forces some time back and have established themselves well in the adult training field. Blessed to reconnect with them and they gave me good suggestions with regards how to transition out of corporate life.
Thursday 20 July 2023
Completed Module 2
Friday 14 July 2023
Wednesday 12 July 2023
Certification
Had signed up for a professional certification in HR. Exams projected end-Aug 23. Hope I can make it. Otherwise, will have to postpone to a later date.
Sunday 9 July 2023
Completed Module 1
I had completed my first module and am well into my second module. Looking forward to complete the whole course by mid-Aug 23.
Why have I not resigned...
- Complete the course I am currently attending first (by Aug 23)
- Settle my new hire in properly (possibly by Oct 23? Nov 23?)
- Stretch my current salary for as long as I can...
- Establish a new stream of steady income
- Establish a network of professional contacts
Thursday 15 June 2023
Interesting month...
This last few weeks were rather interesting. I literally see the major milestones of life happening almost altogether at once.
I welcomed the arrival of a newborn boy yesterday - that of a friend who had acknowledged me as his godfather. I visited the couple at the hospital and it felt really good to be able to welcome a newborn into this world - all the more so when this baby is as good as my god-grandchild. It was also really interesting to see them learn how to handle a newborn baby. I also got invited to a wedding of a cousin's son (my nephew). I had seen how this nephew of mine grow up and now he is getting married! Time really flies. And lastly, five deaths happened - my ex-boss's mother, my aunt, my old neighbour's mother, ex-army mate's father and a distant cousin. All these happened almost back-to-back. Certainly not the best news to receive especially when it was news of a relative and a close neighbour who had watched my grow up. But it was good to be able to catch up with old connections. Just wished it was for better reasons.
I supposed I am at the stage in life where I will get to experience a lot of such life's celebrations. More to come in the very near future I'm sure.
Wednesday 24 May 2023
Preparing for career transition
I am currently into the third week of a course on adult learning. The certificate I will obtain upon graduation will contribute to my journey as a trainer in the Singapore training landscape. Been quite refreshing so far interacting with my course mates who are all younger than me and come from different industries. Am almost completing my first module. Two more to go and I should complete the course early Aug 23.
Looking forward to completing this first milestone in my career transition journey.
Monday 22 May 2023
Energizing chat
I had a most energising chat with my ex-CHRO from my previous company yesterday. I had kept in contact with her over the last decade and we have become good friends. Through the many years, she had given me invaluable advice with regards my career, and this time round was no exception. And so, over afternoon tea yesterday, I shared about the key developments over the last 8 months or so - my counseling sessions, my relationship with my boss, work environment, colleagues, etc. She, in turn, shared with me her perspectives about the situation. Here're the long and short of her sharing:
- Since I already know what I want, I should just spearhead forward and focus on building for the future. Take the courses I want to take, and don't waste my energies trying to be too safe in wanting to hold on to a job that is dragging me down, not withstanding the fact that it is paying me quite decently. Objectively and realistically, I will experience a period of uncertain renumeration, but in the long run, things will stabilise and I should be able to reach a new equilibrium - one that will be able to see me through beyond my retirement age.
- From her observations of me and my work attitudes, it would be, in her opinion, very difficult for me to divide my energies on 2 major fronts at the same time. She rightfully pointed out that I have always been the type of person who would focus all my energies to get what I want done, and do it well. And so, by trying to hold on to a job while concurrently juggling my energies to prepare myself for my next phase of my career, I might end up not being effective in both. And for that, I would be doing myself a disservice.
- As for my boss, her take is that I have achieved so much things in my professional life and I am far more qualified and abled than what I had deemed myself to be. As such, I should not put myself through all the nonsense that my boss is subjecting me to - trying to box me into a role that is way below what I am capable of. She reminded me that by doing so, I may end up doubting my own abilities without realizing it and become demoralised, and that was how I ended up needing to go through counseling.
It was a good reminder...
Sunday 21 May 2023
A wake up call
Two weeks ago, I experienced frequent bouts of breathlessness. For some weird reasons, I couldn't breathe and had to take very deep breaths. And despite that, I couldn't seemed to get my lungs filled and I ended up gasping for breath - not dissimilar to how a fish would struggle when it is out of water.
These experiences troubled me enough to make me seek medical help. I visited my company doctor who, in turn, referred me to my cardiologist and they both put me through a series of tests. The tests included a blood test, x-ray, ecg, ultrasound of the heart, etc... as they wanted to ascertain if my breathlessness was due to a recurrence of asthma, or something more dangerous - that of a heart failure or some lung issue. Thankfully, the test results turn out fine - my heart was ok, and so was the lungs. But the blood test showed some abnormality - my white blood cell count was a tat lower than what it should have been. The doctors concluded that I could possibly have an internal viral infection that would clear after a couple of days but otherwise, there was nothing that I should be too concerned about.
Admittedly, going through the tests and hearing the cardiologist explaining about the possibility of a heart failure, or lung issues, etc made me realise how close I was to having a life threatening situation. I never felt so vulnerable until then and it made me to sit up and rethink about life...
Monday 24 April 2023
Living with COVID
But what is interesting is that the Singapore government is simply telling us to make sure our vaccinations is current, and that we should just go on with life and be socially responsible as we do so. This includes maintaining good personal hygiene, don a mask if we are unwell, do our ART before interacting with elders and people whose immunity are compromised, and so on. Of cos, there is a caveat - should the capacities of public health facilities be overwhelmed, public safe measures like restricting crowds might be done. Otherwise, we should learn to live with the virus and just go on with our lives as normally as possible. This, I believe, is the right approach.
We must accept that the virus is not going away anytime soon, will continue to mutate and more of us will get re-infected as we live with the virus. Objectively, getting reinfected may not necessary be a bad thing. It helps our immunity get updated with the latest strain of the virus. And the next time when a new, and possibly, a more lethal strain appears, we will be better protected. As for why regional governments are asking their citizens to don the masks and minimise going out, I can only suspect their vaccinated/ boosted rate is a lot a lot lower than Singapore and many may have lost their immunity to the virus.
Well, whatever the case, please keep well, keep calm and…
Live on.
Friday 21 April 2023
Embarrassed
Lately, I reconnected with some long time friends and learned about things that made me feel bad and embarrassed.
What they shared was consistent - it’s about things my ex did - from borrowing large amounts of money and not repaying, to cheating, to lying to gain favours, etc. One of them had even gotten into troubles because of this. And despite him not repaying or creating troubles for them, they have kept quiet about it cos they didn’t want to embarrass me.
What made me felt bad was that they entertained him because of me. And they have not spoken about it until now. It’s been some time and they have acknowledged their misjudgment and accepted that they will probably not get their monies back.
Sighs.
Sunday 16 April 2023
Time waits for no man
I went to see my family doctor this morning. Had visited this doctor since 5 years old and understood from my mum he operated on me when they discovered a growth on my neck. It’s been almost 52 years.
The doctor is now in his 80s and in recent years, his son (who is also a general practitioner) has taken more responsibilities treating patients at the clinic. As a patient, it is not my habit to ask after the doctor’s health and I’ve never done so in my life. But today, seeing this old, weak and feeble doctor, I couldn’t help but asked him how he has been and if his health is ok. It must have surprised him for his face lit up a little as he explained that he had had a fall 3 months ago. The fall left him with a broken humerus and till today, has not fully recovered. I also noted he now walks unsteadily. I asked him to take care of himself before leaving the consultation room.
We may have a patient-doctor relationship but this man is one whom I have deep respects for. He has been a very caring person who, in the years passed, went beyond his call of duty to attend to the community and many spoke fondly of him. He has at times refused payment especially for people who were struggling financially. Over the years I have established a form of relationship that’s hard to explain. He knows my whole family and often asked about them. Anyway, I wished him well and left. I couldn’t help but wonder if I will ever get to see him again if and when I fall sick next.
We all walk the same passage of time and I acknowledge the mortality of everyone. His time is not too far given his advanced age. One day, my time will come too. Birth, aging, sickness and death - all inevitable fact and passage of life that all of us have to go through.
I wish him well, I really do.
Sunday 19 February 2023
It's mid-Feb 23
It's already mid-Feb 23. Time passes very quickly these days. Maybe it’s an age thing. Here's a run down of my last month:
- Hong Kong came and went. I was glad I insisted on the trip. HK had just done away with quarantine and regular tests, and was on the verge of opening fully to China. So the trip, that occurred during the first week of Lunar New Year, wasn't too packed with PRCs. The weather, at 10 - 20C, was perfect for hikes. We hiked the Lantau Peak and the Lion Rock. We encountered more foreigners as we climbed higher (seemed to be the same everywhere). We also managed to walk around Mongkok, TST, Causeway Bay, visited temples, and enjoyed the local foods. It was a really lovely trip.
- Family featured significantly over the last few weeks. The highlight was my second niece's wedding. I was surprised to get her invite last year, as I wasn't invited to her sister's wedding 8 years back. It reflected the improved relationship between my eldest sis and I. At the church, I was that proud uncle who watched my niece take her vows. I asked my eldest if I would be involved in the tea ceremony. She said - of course, you are the uncle and have a very high status. And so for the very first time, I had the honour of being served tea by my niece and her husband. To top it off, my grand-nephew (my eldest niece's son, who was already 5 years old) chatted with me and called me ku-kong (maternal grand uncle). It felt really good.
- I joined my paternal aunts and cousins for their annual Lunar New Year steamboat dinner. I do not always look forward to such gatherings, but I will make it a point to attend reunion dinners. I am not sure if it is an ominous sign but for the first time this year, my elderly (second) uncle didn't attend the dinner. Also, I noted that my (eldest) aunt had started to show signs of water retention in her legs. It reminded me of my mum in her final months. I hope I am wrong, but I fear the worst to come in the coming year.
- I cancelled my counselling sessions and the appointment with the mental health specialist. I know perfectly well the issues behind my transition anxiety and what I must do about it. Admittedly, work was a key reason. Apart from talking to my boss, a clear course of action was to leave my company. These are things that need time to plan. And I didn't want to feel pressured into taking actions if I were to visit the specialist/ counsellors. I also think my anxiety was made worst by my tendency to overthink issues. I need to learn to manage myself.
- Work has stabilised - for now. And with this, the anxiety had eased off. But the thought of moving on remained. I chatted with some colleagues who was serving their notice. They shared that progression, promotions, etc motivated them to move on. For me objectively, I am at the stage of my life where I do not want to invest more energies to restart myself in another senior corporate role. It is too draining. And I want to focus on preparing for retirement. So for now, I want to stretch my current employment for as long as I can as I prepare myself for my transition.
- I recently caught up with a long time friend. He was retrenched late last year and had chosen to retire. Since then, he had been keeping busy with traveling and enjoying his life. I had known him since we were 14 years old and had grown up (and old) with him. Our lives couldn't be more different. For one, he has amassed enough resources to ensure his wife and children are all well-provided for for their current and next life if he were to pass away now (so he claimed). I do not think I will ever retire the way he did. I just do not have the resources to do so, and even if I do, I will still want to work. In our earlier years, we work for the money. In our more mature years, we work to keep ourselves mentally engaged.
- And oh, I have some days of leave to clear before end-Mar and I have just booked another trip to HK. So yeah, come mid-Mar I will be in HK for a good 5 days. Going away is what I want to do and I do have several key considerations when planning trips. For short 3-5 day trips, I would prefer places I am familiar with, not too expensive, and importantly, weather must be cooling as far as possible. I want to be very focused - fly, land, enjoy... don't sweat over stuff like - having to learn the local transport system, navigate the people and place, etc. So, yeah, HK is it. Again. Haha!
Thursday 19 January 2023
A slow but good start to 2023
This is my first actual post of 2023 and I want to call out some of the positives. They include:
- Will be making a trip to Hong Kong this coming CNY week. I really felt the itch to go overseas. Will spend 5 days there and we have made plans to climb the Lantau Peak. I am uncertain if I can still make it up the 934m peak but I’ll try. To give myself peace of mind, I included existing illness in my travel insurance in case I get any heart complications during the trip. Wish me luck.
- Went for my cardio check up last week. It so happened that I had some stabbing chest pains lately and the cardiologist decided to put me on the treadmill after I told him of my impending trip. Despite missing a couple of heartbeats, I managed to continue running for 12min. This was 1min more compared to last years’ test. So, I passed the test and he cleared me for the trip!
- Spent some good time with a long time friend who returned from the States with his family late-Dec 22. During his 2-weeks here, I managed to meet up with him twice - once in a group setting with our fellow army friends and again with him alone for lunch. Despite the short duration of the meet ups, it felt good to be able to catch up face-to-face after 4 years. All too soon, he had to return home to San Jose, CA.
- Went for 2 sessions of counseling in mid-Jan to help me manage my transition anxiety. One session was with the medical social worker and the other with a professional counsellor. The sessions were arranged to let me to experience the difference in the 2. I thought the private counsellor did a much better job. Objectively, I actually know what the issues were and what I needed to do. Nonetheless, the counseling sessions gave me an outlet to vent.
- On the work front, the boss went on an extended vacation. Together with the year end/ new year breaks, things at work were so much less stressful. And for the first time in the last 6-7 years, I was almost not involved in the annual planning exercise. As a result, much of my transition anxieties eased off. Let’s hope it stays this way.
Sunday 8 January 2023
2023 - My Focus
Here's consolidated list of what I want to focus on in 2023:
- Keep healthy and well
- Travel
- Seek better workplace conditions
- Play my role well
- Value people who trust me
- Create a better home environment
Saturday 31 December 2022
2022 - Contrast
Tuesday 13 December 2022
Bivalent Booster
I had my 5th shot last week. It was a Moderna bivalent booster. Some people I spoke to wondered in amazement that I had bothered to keep up with the series of booster shots. To me, the logic is simple - it is for my own protection and at my age, I am probably more susceptible to serious illness if I catch the virus. So, if I do not look after myself, who will. Right?
Talking about this, I do have a cousin who spams me daily with non-stop whatsapp messages with links to rumble.com. She is totally against vaccination and from her whatsapps, I can only conclude that she believes there is a conspiracy/ bigger evil force out there that is trying to kill people, or cheat people or… whatever. I simply block her from my whatsapp.
To each his/ her own I guess.
Thursday 8 December 2022
Peacefully
I think of
My mum as she took her last 2 breathes
And how her body relaxes as she goes off
Peacefully
And I smile
Sunday 16 October 2022
Restarting Again
I have started work again since 3 Oct. It's been 2 over superbly exhausting week. And it's not because I have a lot of work, but rather, I am still adjusting to the new rhythm of daily life - the new daily routines, the settling in to a whole new environment, new boss, new colleagues, etc... I think I will need a couple of weeks more to settle in.
And of cos, I have to constantly remind myself not to be too harsh on myself. Take things slow, observe the surroundings, refresh myself with the work processes and requirements, get to know people, build new relationships as I re-establish old ones. I am technically a "new" employee and I must give myself the time and space to enjoy this "honeymoon" period!
:-)
Friday 23 September 2022
Beard & Moustache
I shall write about my facial hair in this post.
- I tend to suffer razor burns when I visit cold and dry countries and decided to give myself a shaving break during my recent UK trip (in end-Jul). As a result, my moustache and goatee grew. The unkempt look during the initial days didn't bother me. I was on holiday and was in the midst of strangers. After my holidays, I continued keeping it as it has grown quite nicely.
- The last time I had a moustache was during my undergrad days. It lasted no more than a few weeks. I couldn't accept the untidy look. Most Chinese tend to be smooth naturally and need more time for our facial hair to grow. Most also have goatees and not a full beard like what you see in people of European, and Northern Indian origins.
- Why keep a moustache during my undergrad days? I wanted to do what I wouldn't/ couldn't do after I graduate. As a contract soldier on a training award, I had to return to the forces during my vacation and immediately after my final year examinations end. So I kept a little pony tail, grew a moustache, etc as a student.
- Why did I not keep a goatee back then? I supposed it was due to my military "up-bringing". In my basic military training days, we were not allowed to keep a beard unless it is for religious reasons (e.g. Sikhs). As a general rule-of-thumb to keeping neat and tidy - hair above the lips is "personal property", whereas those below is "government property".
- My hair has greyed much. I now have a head of black and grey hair (“salt & pepper”). Interestingly, there are more grey hair in my moustache and goatee. As a comparison, there are about 30-40% grey hair on my head whereas for my moustache and goatee, it 60-70%. And looking at my late-parents, I doubt I will end up with a full head of grey hair.
Monday 19 September 2022
My final trip
I will be making another trip to Malaysia before I resume my work in Oct. And similar to the trip I made in Apr (when I started my sabbatical), I will be visiting places such as KL, Penang, Ipoh, Johor Baru (JB) and possibly Melaka. This long 1200+ km drive is not something I would do normally and I half suspect is part of my feeble attempt to "stretch" my sabbatical.
Will end my trip in JB where I will attend a wedding dinner of a friend on 1 Oct.